Saturday, 20 September 2008

• I'm not sure what to blog about but I am just not in the mood to read right now and I'm sitting here on the rocking chair that we borrowed from my mom, with Naomi in my sling, sleeping soundly. Literally. Like she would make snorting sounds (like the cute pig Babe), purring sounds (like a baby cat) and her classic Naomi whimper and sigh....so cute. Meanwhile hubby is doing some serious cleaning around the house. We are going to head out to my sister's house for some family get together after Naomi wakes up...it's a long drive so she better be fed and clean and not tired or we'll be listening to her cry all the way to Everett. And I then I'll end up crying along and feeling like the worst mother in the world, asking God to please stop this joke and have Naomi's real mommy take over now please coz I'm done.

  Which reminds me...anybody out there have a baby who hates being in the car or is it just my Naomi? Actually, she is usually fine when it's Daddy driving and I'm there with her, unless of course she pooped or hungry. But when it's just her and me, even if she is fed/clean/not tired...she will cry. I went to Trader Joes a few weeks ago and she was screaming her head off but since I was on the freeway, I couldn't pull over. The longest 20 minutes of my life. So that's why I've been going around town via bus and water taxi. But now that it's cold and rainy, I have to come up with another plan. I could just stay home, but I get the cabin fever after a couple of days. I like going around our neighborhood for short walks but I guess sometimes, I just need to go somewhere. Do something. It's hard sometimes to just be at home, especially that Naomi sleeps SO much. I think she is only awake like 6 -8 hours total every day....that includes feeding so it leaves little time for actual fun.

  
  Which is another thing I wanted to blog about. Changing priorities and lifestyle. Becoming a mother is really one of the biggest changes a women could ever go through. I'm only on my second month going on third, and I'm already experiencing the beginning of that. From 8 hours a day 4 days a week of office work, interacting with people my age, using my brain power to solve adult problems and answering emails and building adult relationships...I shifted to 24 hours a day and 7 days a week to: changing very poopy stinky or just plain wet diapers A LOT (she did 8 changes in a five hour period today), nursing my baby whenever she needs to (yesterday I nursed her while walking from the grocery store on the way home and the other day on the bus...NEVER thought I would do such a thing!), dancing and swaying and rocking and singing all the songs I know or making up some when I forget the words just to get Naomi to sleep...and of course taking a million of pictures only a mother could look at over and over and over again. I now sleep around 8/9 pm at night, wake up 4-5 hours later and then doze off every couple of hours to feed my growing daughter. I haven't watched nighttime TV in a looong looong time (which I think is good but I don't know if I can give up Heroes). I've mastered how to type with one hand, cook with one hand, eat with one hand, use my toes to turn the fan/remote on and off, how to trim those little fingernails (scary!) and a whole lot more. I have done very few things that doesn't involve Naomi. Almost all the decisions I now make, including my outfit for the day, has to have Naomi in mind. But oh man, the reward of seeing Naomi smile back at me, talk back at me...seeing her grow...she now opens her hands more, kicks more, looks at things more...BUT honestly, there are days when I think back to my pre-baby days with some longing....

  Now, my style of parenting, some may think, is too child-led and that I'm spoiling my baby. I don't have a schedule for her feeding or sleeping (although there is consistency in here nighttime sleep)...I always wear her when I'm around the house (she only stays in her swing for 10 minutes, and then she cries) or traveling (boo strollers and car seats) and when I put her down, I have to sleep next to her or she wakes up after 10-20 minutes. At night, I also don't schedule her feedings, I let her dictate when she eats. When she cries, I pick her up right away and comfort her. Now, sometimes I wonder if I am spoiling her. But in my gut, I think this is the right thing to do in this season of my daughter's life. She is a baby, totally dependent on her parents for survival with crying as the only mode of communication that will get her needs met. The first night we brought her home, I just couldn't leave her on the crib. It feels wrong to leave a baby all by herself in that lonesome room. I think it's so American to have a baby a room all to herself. We so value independence that we try to foster it at such an early age. I never had my own room until I was 18 I think. Also, we value convenience and comfort way too much. Nowadays, I see mothers pushing strollers for long periods of time and they don't interact with their baby. At Starbucks one day, there were two moms out with their babies. They both had this high end strollers and they were chatting about. Mommy #1 was feeding her baby with bottle while baby was IN the stroller while talking to her friend. A few minutes after she finished feeding the baby, h/she starts to cry and mommy #1 puts a pacifier in baby's mouth. Baby still cries after a few minutes, and mommy #1 bounces the stroller up and down to calm the baby while continuing to talk to mommy #2. This went on for like 15 minutes. I was watching the whole time while Naomi was sleeping in my sling (what else) and I just wanted to pick up mommy #1's baby to comfort her. I thought, poor baby. I wanted to tell the mom - She's trying to tell you something and you can't even be interrupted. I shouldn't judge, but I felt bad for the baby. When did start heavily depending on mothering substitutes? I also felt like maybe the mom wanted to pick her baby up but she didn't want others to think she was spoiling the baby? 

  To be continued...

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