Friday, 04 September 2009
For about a year now, I've been blogging over at Natural Momma and I have to admit, Wordpress has won me over. But sometimes I get sentimental and visit my good ol' Xanga blog and I just can't seem to walk away from the four years of my life made public in the blogosphere. Yes, I am a mama now, but I am still parts of my pre-Barham days, and my sans baby life is still as valuable as the one I live now.
And so here I am, back to Xanga, deciding that dang it, I can keep two blogs. I may not necessarily be posting every day, or every week for that matter, but continuity is important to so I shall. Maybe I'll make it to 10 years of blogging and what a hoot it will be then to look back at the drawn out posts on baby sleep and lack of home-making skills I have.
Sunday, 19 October 2008
so sometimes i wonder, am i spoiling naomi? because folks, she is only happy and content in my arms and no one else’s. not grandma’s, not aunt bing’s, not even daddy’s. i am usually fine with this arrangement (actually most of the time i love it) because i love sleeping next to her, i love holding her and smelling her and kissing her lovely face as much as she lets me. but somedays, i reach my limit of being a 24-7 mommy/diner/comforter/rocker/pacifier and just need a…break. just need a night when i don’t have to chow down my dinner in 15 minutes because even though daddy is holding ms princess and going around the house rocking her and singing to her, she is screaming her head off as if being separated from mommy will kill her. just a break long enough for me to maybe go for a walk by myself. or just a slow morning when i don’t have to take my shower in 5 minutes and not care if my hair dries funny or if the undies i end up pulling out of the dresser has a slight hole....to read the rest, go to my natural momma blog:
Friday, 10 October 2008
I’ve been trying to write my first post (on wordpress) since yesterday but I’m too much of a perfectionist to come up with one so I’m just going to pretend this isn’t the grand opening and get on with my life!
First things first. Why a new blog?
Well, becoming a mommy is perhaps one of the biggest things (if not the biggest thing) that has ever happened to me…so big that it needs a blog of its own. I mean, sure, everyone is talking about the upcoming elections (I think I just decided a few days ago who to vote for although I'm not too sold on his running mate despite the fact that I like her somewhat...)or the financial crisis that we all should have seen coming...…but I have become single-minded these days and for all the lessons learned and energy spent on this precious little bundle of mine - my heart and thoughts have become too small to contain it all. And so I share here with you.
Read more: www.naturalmomma.wordpress.com
Saturday, 20 September 2008
I'm not sure what to blog about but I am just not in the mood to read right now and I'm sitting here on the rocking chair that we borrowed from my mom, with Naomi in my sling, sleeping soundly. Literally. Like she would make snorting sounds (like the cute pig Babe), purring sounds (like a baby cat) and her classic Naomi whimper and sigh....so cute. Meanwhile hubby is doing some serious cleaning around the house. We are going to head out to my sister's house for some family get together after Naomi wakes up...it's a long drive so she better be fed and clean and not tired or we'll be listening to her cry all the way to Everett. And I then I'll end up crying along and feeling like the worst mother in the world, asking God to please stop this joke and have Naomi's real mommy take over now please coz I'm done.
Which reminds me...anybody out there have a baby who hates being in the car or is it just my Naomi? Actually, she is usually fine when it's Daddy driving and I'm there with her, unless of course she pooped or hungry. But when it's just her and me, even if she is fed/clean/not tired...she will cry. I went to Trader Joes a few weeks ago and she was screaming her head off but since I was on the freeway, I couldn't pull over. The longest 20 minutes of my life. So that's why I've been going around town via bus and water taxi. But now that it's cold and rainy, I have to come up with another plan. I could just stay home, but I get the cabin fever after a couple of days. I like going around our neighborhood for short walks but I guess sometimes, I just need to go somewhere. Do something. It's hard sometimes to just be at home, especially that Naomi sleeps SO much. I think she is only awake like 6 -8 hours total every day....that includes feeding so it leaves little time for actual fun.
Which is another thing I wanted to blog about. Changing priorities and lifestyle. Becoming a mother is really one of the biggest changes a women could ever go through. I'm only on my second month going on third, and I'm already experiencing the beginning of that. From 8 hours a day 4 days a week of office work, interacting with people my age, using my brain power to solve adult problems and answering emails and building adult relationships...I shifted to 24 hours a day and 7 days a week to: changing very poopy stinky or just plain wet diapers A LOT (she did 8 changes in a five hour period today), nursing my baby whenever she needs to (yesterday I nursed her while walking from the grocery store on the way home and the other day on the bus...NEVER thought I would do such a thing!), dancing and swaying and rocking and singing all the songs I know or making up some when I forget the words just to get Naomi to sleep...and of course taking a million of pictures only a mother could look at over and over and over again. I now sleep around 8/9 pm at night, wake up 4-5 hours later and then doze off every couple of hours to feed my growing daughter. I haven't watched nighttime TV in a looong looong time (which I think is good but I don't know if I can give up Heroes). I've mastered how to type with one hand, cook with one hand, eat with one hand, use my toes to turn the fan/remote on and off, how to trim those little fingernails (scary!) and a whole lot more. I have done very few things that doesn't involve Naomi. Almost all the decisions I now make, including my outfit for the day, has to have Naomi in mind. But oh man, the reward of seeing Naomi smile back at me, talk back at me...seeing her grow...she now opens her hands more, kicks more, looks at things more...BUT honestly, there are days when I think back to my pre-baby days with some longing....
Now, my style of parenting, some may think, is too child-led and that I'm spoiling my baby. I don't have a schedule for her feeding or sleeping (although there is consistency in here nighttime sleep)...I always wear her when I'm around the house (she only stays in her swing for 10 minutes, and then she cries) or traveling (boo strollers and car seats) and when I put her down, I have to sleep next to her or she wakes up after 10-20 minutes. At night, I also don't schedule her feedings, I let her dictate when she eats. When she cries, I pick her up right away and comfort her. Now, sometimes I wonder if I am spoiling her. But in my gut, I think this is the right thing to do in this season of my daughter's life. She is a baby, totally dependent on her parents for survival with crying as the only mode of communication that will get her needs met. The first night we brought her home, I just couldn't leave her on the crib. It feels wrong to leave a baby all by herself in that lonesome room. I think it's so American to have a baby a room all to herself. We so value independence that we try to foster it at such an early age. I never had my own room until I was 18 I think. Also, we value convenience and comfort way too much. Nowadays, I see mothers pushing strollers for long periods of time and they don't interact with their baby. At Starbucks one day, there were two moms out with their babies. They both had this high end strollers and they were chatting about. Mommy #1 was feeding her baby with bottle while baby was IN the stroller while talking to her friend. A few minutes after she finished feeding the baby, h/she starts to cry and mommy #1 puts a pacifier in baby's mouth. Baby still cries after a few minutes, and mommy #1 bounces the stroller up and down to calm the baby while continuing to talk to mommy #2. This went on for like 15 minutes. I was watching the whole time while Naomi was sleeping in my sling (what else) and I just wanted to pick up mommy #1's baby to comfort her. I thought, poor baby. I wanted to tell the mom - She's trying to tell you something and you can't even be interrupted. I shouldn't judge, but I felt bad for the baby. When did start heavily depending on mothering substitutes? I also felt like maybe the mom wanted to pick her baby up but she didn't want others to think she was spoiling the baby?
To be continued...
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Today we had our second wellness check up with our pediatrician as well as Naomi's first round of vaccines. I decided to take public transportation because Naomi cries when I am driving and she is in the back seat and she is so clingy afterwards and I think having those painful shots should be the only thing she should cry about today. Well, it wasn't that bad. She cried so hard the first few minutes but after we gave her lots of hugs and kisses, she calmed down to the kind of cry that melts your heart...like she was telling us how awful it was with her cute sobbing...can sobbing be cute? Never thought it would be! Anyway, the entire day I tried to distract her by nursing and by napping with her in bed. Other methods didn't work. Poor little Naomi. She still must be recovering from the shots. She only had two...one was oral and the fourth shot they ran out. Tsk tsk. They combined 3 vaccines into one, so I'm glad. I'm gonna read the book The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears as recommended by my friend Gina. I actually borrowed it from the library before Naomi was born but I just wasn't interested that much then. But now that we actually have to get them for Naomi, I better be knowledgeable about them. I did read on the vaccines she got today though and they were pretty non-controversial.
So my experience with the bus system so far...I really like it because Naomi is in my sling and I love the touch time. I also get to people watch, which is a favorite pastime and since I'm home a lot, I don't get to do it often. A lot of people tell me what a cute baby I have which I also like (what parent wouldn't?) But what I HATE, absolutely hate, is when people assume that because I'm taking PUBLIC transportation also means that my baby and information about my baby is also for the PUBLIC. By that I mean, this morning, the lady next to me, touched her head pointing out to ME the mother that she has two "puyo" (dang I forget what it translates to in English)....and then Naomi started fussing and I kept doing my thing to calm her and put her to sleep and this lady kept doing this clucking noise to Naomi and I was like, look lady, you can look but that's about all I permit you to do! Don't touch and don't try to be the mother! It's okay if people ask if she is a boy or a girl, or how old she is...etc but I HATE it when people ask me her name...or if they can look at her (when I have her covered in the tail of my sling...).
Oh one more thing, I was waiting for my bus transfer by the Sam Museum on 1st and University when this woman in her very chic office outfit approached me and asked if I can take a picture of her and her officemates in front of the SAM Museum because they are doing a scavenger hunt. She pointed over at her well-dressed colleagues, who were about several feet away looking expectantly at me. Now, in between these colleagues and me were about FIVE people waiting for the bus. I don't know why they picked to ask me, but I was like, lady, are you blind? I have a backpack, and a baby in my arms (don't worry she was in a sling) and i was furiously swaying side to side and doing my ssshhh shhhh shhhh so Naomi won't wake up. I stared at her not knowing what to say and I managed to tell her the obvious, that my hands were full at the moment. Sigh. Explain that.
Okay, lastly, mommy burnt out. Oh boy, I really need to watch out for this one. Monday morning, when I woke up, I felt super heavy and just couldn't do much of my "usual chores". Of course I try to muster all the will power I have, and planned a week's worth of cooking. I packed the diaper bag and prepped Naomi but for the life of me...I couldn't get out of the house. I just was so....dead. The rest of the week (meaning yesterday) - I couldn't do any chores, couldn't even fold laundry. I just sat most of the day with Naomi in my arms doing facebook. Today after coming back home to a semi-clean house (hubby cleaned the kitchen last night! Yay Steve!) I still was unmotivated. I was like, what is wrong with me???? I had a good excuse of just holding Naomi all day because she just had some shots...but I tried to think and my mind was just mush.
Then I was FB (facebooking) and through looking at some mommy-friend's profiles, I realized that LAST WEEK, I had exhausted myself by cooking MTWF - and mind you they were not simple meals - they were from cookbooks and required almost 1-2 hours of my time to complete. I also did laundry, vacuumed and kept the house clean EVERY DAY. When Steve left, I would put Naomi in my sling, and I would tidy up the house. DANG. The week before, I tried to see if I was ready to cook and because it was successful, I assumed I could also resume my full-time housewife duties. HAHAHA. What was I thinking??? Also, all of last week, I didn't take a break at night. When Steve got home, I would still be the one putting Naomi to bed and was in bed usually by 8 or 9 so I can get some ZZZZZ when Naomi slept the longest. So no time for ME just to unwind and be in a non-mom gear for a second.
Earlier this evening, after putting Naomi to sleep I asked Steve to hold her and she has been holding Naomi for more than an hour now and I'm eating my lasagna and writing. I am showered (which was the first shower I had that was longer than 5 minutes in weeks!) in my silk pajamas and it feels SO good.
My husband is super willing to accommodate whatever I need but I have to ASK. I don't know what it is, but this SUPER MOM hormone kicks in I think and I try to do everything. Well, I hope I'm learning my lesson. I asked Steve if I can have one night a week where I get the night off (but it means I have to pump which I hate!) and he can also have a night off (he never goes out anywhere after work, just comes home to be there for me and Naomi.) I think he needs that too. And then the next step would be to find a babysitter so we can have time to ourselves here and there (I'm not sure we need a weekly date night like before!)...
So whew. It feels good to get all that in writing.
I know I know, you're hoping the "Other Things" were pictures (and videos!) of Naomi but this is a ME time so I'll do that another chance I get to blog.